We have often witnessed couples fighting over the issues of infidelity. Most times, this results in divorce or the absence of trust if the couple still decides to stick together. Oftentimes, the tell-tell signs of infidelity have been there for a long time but the other partner fails to notice them.
The act of matrimony is a commitment to be faithful to one another, thus, it is important to know if your spouse is looking for love elsewhere. Sometimes, a partner can go off the tangent and indulge in romantic affairs, either emotional or physical affairs, with another person. Therefore, knowing the warning signs of a cheating spouse might come in handy. We have narrowed it down to three Big Red flags and these are really important indicators that are hard not to notice.
However, take note that the clues given here are not a sure way of knowing that your spouse is cheating, but it will help to have a heart-to-heart talk with them if you notice any or all these signs in your spouse. After all, you are only protecting your marriage and a partner that has nothing to hide will welcome your effort at keeping the relationship on track.
1. Very protective or secretive with their phone
Cheaters don't want their spouses to have access to the phone because they use it to communicate with the person they are having an affair with. It could be a red flag if you notice that your spouse is suddenly exhibiting some strange phone behavior that was not there before.
For instance,
I) They may change their phone or computer password - it wouldn't be wise to let you have access because you might discover that they have to hide.
II) Their phone never leaves their side - They take their phone wherever they go, whether to the bathroom or bed. They are extremely careful for you not to see who is calling or texting them.
III) Their chat history has been erased - Even if you still have their phone password, you discover that their chat/ call history has been erased, meaning that you have no idea of who called and what he had been discussing with the person he was texting.
IV) They are always texting, even at odd hours - If your spouse is always on the phone texting, especially if he used to be more of the calling type than the texting type, it could be a sign of infidelity.
V) They sneak off to place calls when you're approaching - This is why cheaters prefer texting to making calls because they could be right in front of you and still be communicating with the person of interest. But placing a phone call doesn't give them such liberty hence they hide whenever they want to call their lover.
VI) They won't let you see who's calling them and gives some vague answers when you want to know the identity of the caller - Just like we said earlier, this is not a sure way of knowing that your spouse is cheating but it might be worth it to know why they are being so secretive.
2. Missing money or taking regular large cash withdrawals from the ATM
A common red flag of infidelity by a spouse is when their spending habits change. Something is amiss if you find out that some unexplained withdrawals are being made from the money that you and your spouse have been saving up for some particular project. It should also be worrisome that they now prefer to make cash withdrawals with the ATM when they have all been using credit cards for most of their transactions, and it's simply because purchases made with a credit card can be traced. It would need some real explaining to convince you that the expensive gift they brought on Valentine's day was actually for their boss, wouldn't you think?
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3. Missing Chunks of time
Your spouse is most likely involved in infidelity if they spend their free time with some friends that you never heard about. The sudden cancellation of the weekend getaway that you have planned all along might not be because of office work that needs urgent attention, but because weekends are the only free time they have to meet their new romantic interest.
Moreover, they are often harder to reach than usual. Or they spin long tales on why they didn't pick up your calls or how huge piles of work is keeping them in the office longer than usual, especially when you know that there is nothing new going on in their workplace, it could mean that your spouse is spending the time with their new fling.
Other Signs according to Experts
1. They start paying keen attention to their appearance
Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., a licensed Clinical Psychologist notes that Cheaters are usually trying to impress their new romantic partner and this reflects in the way they pay close attention to their dressing, grooming, and body. Some may even hit the gym for a more striking look.
2. You notice a wide emotional distance
Cheaters are emotionally detached from their partners. There could be fewer conversations between you two because their mind is somewhere else. Nicholas Hardy, a psychotherapist from Texas told Woman's Day that if things that you and your spouse used to fight about, no longer matter to them. Most probably, they just don't care because they have a lover outside.
3. They are suddenly generous towards you
Psychologist, Paul Coleman, believes that a cheating spouse will use gifts to throw their partner off the scent of their infidelity. They are more cheerful and are easily disposed to giving out gifts to their spouse. However, some cheaters are generous with gifts in other to appease their conscience.
4. They turn around and accuse you of cheating
It might sound strange but cheaters often accuse their partner of cheating. According to Suzannah Weiss, certified Sex Educator and Love Coach told Woman's Day that they do this to give the impression that they do not cheat. Also, they may be suspicious because they have seen that they could do it themselves without getting caught.
5. You realize that he is lying to you
When they start making silly excuses for their behavior, or you notice that their explanations don't add up, it could be a sign of cheating in a relationship.
6. You have the gut feeling that they are cheating
It's not easy for your spouse to cheat without revealing any of the signs listed here. But sometimes, you have a gut feeling that they are being unfaithful but you choose to ignore it. In 5 out of 10, it is best to trust your instinct when it is telling you that something is wrong. You could be saving your marriage if it is nothing serious or you explore other options if it is way beyond you.
Bottom line - Cheaters are always trying to make things appear normal. They thrive in secrecy and go to great lengths to ensure that they are not discovered. However, a combination of these signs can well mean that things are not right with your relationship. Speak to your spouse about your feelings and seek professional help if both of you are willing to work things out.